So about 2 weeks ago, Jess, Nat, Shannon and I roadtripped down to Nashville for Mary Claire's wedding. I've been meaning to do an entry on it and luckily for all we kept a log of the whole trip. Here it is in all it's glory.
Nashville Roadtrip Log
Thursday October 5
6:43- left Nat’s in Brookline
7:01- Learned Jess’ car had been towed
7:04- Joe is mildly pissed off
7:21- Strange singing from the trunk. Don’t worry- it’s just Hula Homer.
7:43- Rescued Jess’ car!
8:01- On the road again …
8:08- Homer sings to “She’s Like the Wind”.
8:45- First rest stop in Charlton, Ma.
9:02- Moon and clouds look really eerie and cool. Joe tells us he’s a werewolf.
9:03- We leave rest area
9:08- Joe: So I Jess I didn’t know you liked old school hip hop.
Shannon:- It was new school then.
9:38- Nat and Joe decide to ignore Mapquest.
9:40- Car swerves in front of us
crashes into median, totaled.
9:42- called 911
9:47- Joe notes that 12 year old Jess Nemczuk recorded “ I Want to Sex You Up”.
10:40- Welcome to New York
11:15- Sosnoff crosses the Tappan Zee
11:24- 200 miles covered, 900 to go
11:45- Nat Drive, Joe co-pilot
11:48- Enter NJ, Nat realizes he left the E-Brake on
[Note- according to GPS Nat drove 152 mph]
11:55- Nat gains country music cred
11:57- Nat loses country music cred by confusing Clint Black with Clint Randall
Friday October 6th
12:26- Joe loses Broadway street cred
“What is that?’ “Les Mis”.
12:55- Pennsylvania welcomes us, Joe gets Dorito on log.
1:07- Delirum begins in Bethelem
2:24- Downtown Harrisburg? No thanks!! SNAP!
2:49- Radio calls non Eagles fans snapperheads?
2:58- Nat renames Southern Pennsylvania, SOPA
3:09- Nat and Joe pee on the gas station
3:11- “Nat drove through the crappiest stuff- New Jersey and this [rain]”.
3:14- Sheetz 2, Flying J 1.5
3:26- Cross Mason Dixon line. Maryland? Nobody saw it coming!!
3:31- Sheetz 3, Flying J 1.5
3:36- West Virgina
3:37- Nat anticipates Flying J in 30 miles
3:44- Sheetz 4, Flying J 1.5
3:46- Sheeetz 5
3:53- Sheetz 6
3:58- Sheetz 6, J 3
Virgina!! (Welcome to it)
4:05- 8,3 – 9,3 (unsmiley face)
4:32- Back on the road after little rest stop. Shannon now driving, Jess is co-pilot.
5:00- We listen to Rent in the rain.
6:14- We wonder where the sun is.
6:22- We’ve gone 644.1 miles and have 466.1 to go.
6:43- Longest song in the world: song from the credits of “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”.
7:18- We think the sun has risen (it’s overcast).
7:20- We were wrong -sun rises now.
7:24- Gas sighting at $2.03. Stop at Cracker Barrel in Christiansburg, VA.
8:22- leave Cracker Barrel (where Joe tried to cut pancakes with spoon). Jess drives, Shannon co-pilot.
8:25- Shannon sticks Nat with the log. Nat unhappy, see Joe, yesterday.
8:39- Quick fix- duct taped mirror.
8:42- Nat pitches hissy fit about illegal hitchhiking. “ it’s a basic freedom”.
8:59- Virgina is declared the prettiest state.
9:11- Stop at Kangaroo ($2.07). Jess spent $26.08. Nat used the women’s room.
10:13- Victory Baptist Church- largest cross EVER!! (Bristol)
10:15- Chik-fil-A sighting!!
10:17- Welcome to Tennessee!!
10:44- Photo evidence of Nat “not sleeping in cars”
10:46- Finished the alphabet game! XPRESS!
10:49- “Knoxville 69! Sweeeeet!”
11:53- leave Taco bell. Or middle east? “Taco Bell’s huge in the middle east”.
1:26- Louisiana loves Harry Potter (GRFNDOR license plate)
1:35 Nat and Joe hear “Honkytonk Pa donk a donk” on 103.3 fm
2:09- Jo Jo declared artist of the trip. A little sad. John Meyer: runner up.
2:23- Another gas stop at smelliest truck stop ever. $20 Joe gas.
2:45- Lost GPS reception.
2:52/1:52 (time zone change)- Music City!!
~ 3:35- Joe and Jess go to the Parthenon
~ 4:30- Joe experiences his 1st healthy smoothie ( complete with muscle builders in the store, not his drink)
~ 8:30- BBQ + Honky Tonk with Rheri and Jim
Saturday October 7th
~ 9 AM- We learn that Bobh’s plane is delayed 3 hours (after multiple morning awakenings from Joe)
~ 10 AM and 2 pm- Waffle house
4:57- Joe Nat almost crashes car on highway, Rheri has no chance but to follow.
5:34- Spring Hill Ham Festival and Corn Maze!
5:45- We find the bathrooms
6:30- Mary Claire gets married
7:00- It is really cold- we get the table closest to the heat lamps.
~ 8:30- Purple shirt Rubin (Age 7) is the star dancer
~9- Jess misses the girls’ dance off (Shannon vs. Mary). Shannon does the water sprinkler.
~ 10- Keg beer is the only alcoholic beverage left.
~9:30- Cliff of the “Cliff-Notes” said he’d like to see Rheri’s show in San Fransisco
~ 11 -Joe decided to be the responsible DD and drives us all back to the hotel
6:45 Minister uses weird metaphors during ceremony (ie- marriage is like crazy glue and dogs playing poker)
11:15- LOLITA! LIGHT OF MY LIFE! Pterodactyls says good bye.
11:15- Joe eats a centerpiece.
11:30- Leave wedding, sober! Stole leaves.
Middle of night- Bobh throws uph (3 times) (in corner?)
Sunday October 8th
12:06 pm- Joe almost crashes. Again Rheri has no choice but to follow.
12:10- Nat starts to make hand movements out of the window
12:11- Rheri’s car makes fun of him, also making hand movements
12:12- Everyone joins in holding various objects out of the window.
12:13- Log is almost lost out the window.
12:15- Acquired 1 Devon
12:20- Nashville ahoy!
2:15- Rheri takes the lead. Nat and Joe ignore the GPS.
2:20- Joe stops for gas. Again (19.77)
2:35- Parked and going in the Opry. Wahoo.
6:07- “No hugging in the GPS (Guhpus) chair”
6:30ish- Go to the Bluebird Café, music is good (band called GBGs) but no seats. We see Devon’s CO license plate then get dinner at …
~ 7:30 Group splits into 2- Hoity toity dinner vs. Bar-B-Cutie
~9:30 Fashion show featuring stylish Nashville t-shirts
11:40- Lights go on at hotel bar- Rheri, Jim, Devon and Jessica realize that we’re all ugly
Monday October 10th
Before 5 Am- Jessica is ready + therefore gets to live ( according to Joe)
5:06 AM- On our way home!
5:30- Country song references Sinead O’Connor tearing up picture of the Pope.
6:10- Jo Jo then “Anyway You Want It”.
6:09- $1.99/gal= gas! Sub $2 ! Jess’ life is complete.
6:30- Jess pays for gas. 18.11
6:44- Chik-fil-A HEAVEN
7:10- Joe owes Nat $7 million for Waho and Bar- B- Cutie. Joe expects to be free of debt by 2037.
7:24- Begin Times Sunday Crossword.
9:30- Black Walnut Stain discussion on 103.3 Knoxville Big Talker FM (remedies include rubbing alcohol, lemon juice,and WD40. Subsequent caller says don’t use WD40, it’s poisonous).
10:51- Goldie Locks and the 3 bears Cha Cha Cha
~ 11:00- Leave gas station
11:05- Shannon realizes that Nat has thrown out her chik-fil-a sandwich (minor fit)
11:14- Quick detour to Chik-fil-a so Nat can redeem himself
11:16- Nat is lost, Chik-fil-a has disappeared
11:19- Nat asks God to find a Chik-Fil-A in order to avoid the solvents (see weird minister entry)
11:24- Nat lets Shannon down after crushing her hopes and dreams
11:25- Joe thinks Jess wants to steal his tissues- threatens to drop her off at the Wash-a-Teria
11:28- Gigantic cross sighting
11:29- Assuming we’re back in Virgina
12- Honkytonk Bah-donk-a-donk!
1- Nat still in Chik-Fil-A fueled doghouse
1:41- Log Vignette-Nat is driving, Shannon has made several attempts to find ARBY’s on the GPS, Jess has slept in the car for the last hour or two and Joe is hot and has gone through one box of Kleenex already. Just passed yet another VA natural bridge.
2:10- Jess puts on shoes to impress truckers.
2:24- Log is temporarily lost, Joe is sitting on it.
2:22- Nat thanks kindred spirit (hitch hiker). Nat does not pick up hitchhiker, thereby saving 4 lives (ours).
2:40- Subway sandwiches= happy roadtrippers. Nat inhales his to avoid death by truck(s).
4:08- Sheetz! Nat out $28. Joe called to complain about the dirty bathroom even though we have no idea where we are …
4:44- Jess and Joe get snippy over dull pencils. Nat tells them to “stop being snapperheads!”.
4:46- J,J, and S all duck and try to surprise passing drivers. We are all snapperheads!
4:47- Toot your horn!
4:51- Nat makes passing car’s life pass before their eyes. Waves to say My Bad. Also: Hello WV.
4:59- Toot #2!
5:02- Robot to Crocodile Rock. Jazz Hands!
5:04- Toot #3!
5:09- Disco Toot!
5:11- 4! + Yay Maryland!
5:21- Mason Dixon Line, Bye bye y’all.
5:33- Nat sneezes out the window yet straight into Shannon’s face. He continues to unintentionally abuse his girlfriend who is still Chik-Fil-A-less.
5:45- Homer sings to Patsy Cline. Amazing!
6:20- Status Update- NY Times crossword not yet ¼ done, Nat still driving (trip record 7 hours and counting!), Surprise plan kinda works on a 11 year old girl.
6:24- Nat refuses to let Joe to go to the bathroom for 40 minutes until he has to go too. Booya.
6:40- Stop at Stucky’s gas station: Theraflu for Joe, Airborne for the rest of us. Tag-Jess is it.
7:42- Mad traffic. May never make it home. We love you Ma(s).
7:46- Finally merged. Frustrated Jazz hands. Fosse you!
7:50- Holler and Swaller mid traffic jam.
8:45- Arby’s + TJ Cinnamon+ Pasta Connection+Long John Silvers. SweetAs.
-Relive Troupe Moments (and Sat Night [smiley])
-Joe bets Nat double or nothing TJ Cinnamon will not have coffee. He now owes Nat $14 million.
9:25- Jersey doesn’t welcome you.
10~- Joe fell asleep, Jess drove through some traffic with Jersey barriers on both sides. Nat and Jess discussed the 90’s (the 1990’s not the 1890’s). Pass the Palisades Mall which is sinking, we miss out on the chance to shop there.
10:53- Google buys YouTube for $1.6 bil, we cross Tappan Zee Bridge.
10:56- Kim Jong Il, you so crazy.
10:58- NY may or may not welcome us.
11:27- Shannon pretends we didn’t get lost so we will get home sooner.
11:41- Joe tries to fill tank with diesel but gets mad at Nat for wanting to navigate (after 2 slight detours with Jess driving)
12:03- Girls sing to Lisa Loeb’s “Stay”. Boys wait for Honkytonk Bahdonkadonk.
1:36- Enter Ma!!
~1:03- 1st signs for Boston!!
2:25- Boston!! I love that dirty water.
2:33- Total mileage- 2474!!
2:34- Shannon forgets where Nat lives.
~2:36 Obscenity rising! (re Joe’s various rages/nose cancer)
2:36- Shannon has a Honkytonk Bah Donk a Donk.
2:37- Drop off Nat. (good riddance, snapperhead!!)
2:43- park at Jame’s Taylor’s spot then eat Tipsy Cake.
2:52- Finish Tipsy cake midnight snack at Nat’s.
3:05- We bid Jess a fond farewell. Until Joe comes back in 2 min so she can get her car.
3:13- Drop off Shannon “Honkytonk Ba donk a donk” Parvis
3:33 AM EST 10/10/06- Joe completes Jess car drop-off/switcheroo.
He would like to congratulate Mary Claire and Brian on their nuptials and thank Jess, Nat, and Shannon for putting up with Joe for 40 hours in a car and almost 2500 miles. Thus ends the Nashville road log.